Video Games

The “Wolfenstein” reboot joinks my maloink.

“Wolfenstein: The New Order” came out in 2014. Did I give it a chance back then? No. Am I giving it a chance now? Yes. And I’m freaking loving it.

B.J. Blazkowicz reprises his role as U.S.A. badass in the franchise with a thirstier thirst for Nazi blood. Side note, his dude has a large head, V LARG. I like B.J. He doesn’t spew lame one-liners like most action protagonists. Shockingly, the devs decided to give this guy an actual backstory that isn’t cringe-worthy.

The gameplay isn’t what I was expecting at all. I figured the game would mainly focus on heavy doses of running-and-gunning. Instead, “WTNO” throws a nicely fleshed out stealth mechanic at you like a surprise string cheese in the fridge. Knifing Nazis in silence is brutal and has it’s perks. Merc’ing certain Nazi radio boiz before they can blare the alarm on you is one. However, the unsung hero in this game is the silenced pistol. A well-placed headshot from Silencer O’Hoolihan eliminates the need to get too stealthy while trying to navigate the guard filled levels.

And guess what, “WTNO” is on sale right now for cheap! I bought it literally days before it got discounted for $20. Let me just say, if you are a fan of linear, single player, first-person gems, don’t pass up on this game. Even at 20 bones, I find it to be reasonable.

Go ahead, pick this one up.

If you’re anything like this jabroni aka me, you love watching 24-hours worth of video game streams for 7 days straight. Or you just like doing anything but anything. Either way, I believe Summer Games Done Quick is the speed running event you’ve gotta watch. SGDQ started up Sunday, June 24 and will run until Sunday, July 1. View the full game lineup here.

Who would I be if I didn’t mention the drama? Just like anything that gains popularity, GDQ has had it’s fair share of controversial moments, squelching weebs and insensitive viewers in Twitch chat make up a bulk of complaints. Since last year, GDQ has adopted the “no plebs in chat” rule that limits only subscribers to be able to talk in Twitch chat. Irritiating long-time viewers and trolls to be sure. But trust me, the event is still exciting and worth checking out.

[getTwitchRail]

If you were to ask me I’d say: yes, yes, a 1000x yes.

But, most people aren’t weebs. So, I have to jump into their shoes and image what they are imagining. And I think they would prefer to not have a video game system at the usually riotous outing with the boys.

I have to plead my case in favor of video games. Firstly, the dudes that I play the most vidya with will be there IRL. That’s reason enough IMO. Then, videojuegos are the perfect way to spend the guaranteed downtime in the hotel or Airbnb. Play a couple matches of “FIFA” instead of doming a fifth of vodka. Heck, why not both?

In the end, I have to abide by the groom-to-be’s wishes. If he doesn’t want a system stealing the show, that’s fine. Let me tell you something though, all I want for my bachelor party is one big video game extravaganza. Prep yourselves weebs.

They don’t call me Trigger Daddy for nothin’… And E3 2018 is making me feel some type of way.

Let me explain. Absolutely nothing from Microsoft, Sony and Nintendo is really piquing my interest. Like, the 30th “Super Smash Bros.” in the franchise is not getting me anywhere. The 30th “Halo” game in the franchise is not getting me anywhere. And so on and so forth until my brain slowly slides out my ear onto the floor.

I just want some brand, brand-new games. The E3 website boosts the conference as an event where “groundbreaking new technologies, and never-before-seen products will be showcased.” Can Sony or Microsoft or Nintendo not sneak a new jaw-dropping game into the fray at this thing? Like, my boredom is leading to triggering. Princess LNG has had it lol. So, in the end, E3 is just one big hype machine for content that we already know about.

Despite the lack of new franchise-worthy game reveals, the conference did debut a couple of really exciting titles. See what I mean below:

From Software’s “SEKIRO: SHADOWS DIE TWICE”:

CD PROJEKT RED’s “Cyberpunk 2077”:

I would love for E3 to resume being the event where the biggest devs reveal (for the first time) their biggest games. Until then, it isn’t worth the hype.

Before “Fortnite” there was “Rainbow Six Siege.” And playing “R6” taught me two things: rocking a headset is absolutely essential and if you don’t, you’re amateur hour. Now, “Fortnite” rules the roost and headsets are still a must!

You maybe wondering, ‘LNG, why do I need headphones for Looney Tunes, it’s so casual and whack, I’d never!” Sorry to break it to you weebs, crisp audio is has it’s benefits. Hearing footsteps, chests and missiles will only get you better at the game. Oh, you accidentally missed the SCAR stashed in a chest because you couldn’t hear it, pleb? Too bad, get a headset.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my Astro A40s are V nice. Comfy, clear sound and cool looking. They work for PS4 and PC. They can run expensive, $150 or so–but I love them. The point is, get something to go over your ears when you are playing these multiplayer games. It will help out incredibly. Do it for–do it for–do it for “Fortnite,” yeah, do it for “Fortnite.”

OMEGALUL

I leave you with the “Fortnite” anthem:

KK, you’ve made a decision to start down the slippery, tentacle-y  slope of watching anime. Good job. As a fairly uninformed anime fan, lemme help you select the titles you should be watching.

Cowboy Bebop – A bounty hunter and his crew which includes a robot corgi get into all sorts of trouble in space. The music is still so good and the action is top notch.

Weeb rating: 5/10

Samurai Champloo – 2 master samurai and a young woman all who are hungry AF often set out to find a man smelling of sunflowers. Hip-hop makes up the majority of “Champloo’s” soundtrack. This stylish anime shouldn’t be missed.

Weeb rating: 6/10

Sword Art Online – MMO fans will have no problem sinking their teeth into this series. Enjoy players fight for their lives inside of a VR game. This one will leave you shook mega.

Weeb rating: 8/10

Gurren Lagann – Add 1 cup of Gundam, 2 cups drills, 1 ounce “Matrix” and you get Gurren Lagann. This mongoloid of an show is fun for anime beginners but at a higher weeb cost.

Weeb rating: 9/10

After watching all these titles, you are now licenced to run around with buttered toast in your mouth claiming you live a RL anime. I do. Believe that.

Just a piece of advice, if you choose to embark on anime, watch it alone for the first time. No need to have someone else there judging the fuck out of the show–and you, to be frank…

The Playstation Network, a place where friends can interrupt your lovely, solo gaming experience at any moment. Don’t get me wrong, my friends are great but I really enjoy the throwback feel of playing by yourself being the only option.

Like the title suggests, going offline has benny’s like eating natural vitamins and minerals regularly. And I play my PS4 exclusively shrouded (offline) these days. No more existential crisis when folks send party/game invites. No more partying up with annoying people. It’s just the definition of virtual freedom. The feeling is nice.

Being able to put significant time into single player games like “God of War,” “Neir,” and any any other without getting pulled away into a round of “Fortnite” aka Looney Tunes with the boiz is the dream. Don’t bash it till you try it. I’m telling you, that nostalgic solo play will have you coming back for more.

Sometimes you’ll be online playing hours of Looney Tunes with friends, sometimes you’ll be shrouded enjoying some weeb shit by yourself. Comment below about your thoughts on keeping it offline.

Watch this weeb give a demo on how to go shrouded on the PS4:

Aside from playing video games and watchin’ anime, I love to read. Sci-fi preferably. Games Workshop’s Warhammer 40K novels published by Black Library are some of my faves. These are brutal, complex and thought provoking titles, I think, are made for kooks over 18. And yes, these reads are weeby. Recently, the hobby games company announced it is gearing up to introduce smol freaks to 40K with a new line of young adult fiction.

I’m a huge fan of 40K’s incredibly detailed lore. The world is grimdark. That’s the beauty of 40K. So, when I hear Black Library is going to pump out YA novels starring 12-year-old protagonists, I get a little tripped out. How will grotesque, warp creatures be handled? When a space marine gets shot in the face, will brain matter splatter? Will the horrors of war creep off the pages? Maybe, they  will be set in an alternate universe where things are just a little less brain matter-y. But stepping away from grimdark results in less beauty…

In the end, I appreciate the decision by Games Workshop to go this route for the youngsters. It shows that the company hasn’t given up on reading like many have. We need weebs to read. Read Warhammer, read manga, read whatever, just as long as you have real or digital pages in front of your eyes. Your brain will be haute couture in no time.

If Epic Games had their way, “Fortnite” would release on every platform including your mom’s Motorola V400p. They are shilling this game outrageously hard. Seriously, these game came to mobile iOS and soon Android. So, It only makes sense they are eyeballing the most talked about current-gen system on the market, the Nintendo Switch.

I would, without question, purchase “Fortnite” on the stationary-portable system. It would make a great addition to my already pretty large library. Additionally, the whack cartoon art style of the game fits perfectly with the family friendly Switch. If Reggie (Nintendo head)  knew I wanted this port, he would be in the office calling Tim Sweeney (Epic Games head) making that deal. They better hurry up!  Hook in the weebs is a solid business model.

–5 Minutes Later—

Well, I’m an idiot, according to this website who’s jacking info from Forbes, rumor has it that Nintendo will announce the “Fortnite” port at their E3 presentation. Sure, I’m like 2 days late relaying the news, forgive me please. I’m still ready to play Looney Tunes portably with the Switch. Screw the iOS and Android gimmicks, that’s whack. Hit me with that proper adaptation. Tanks XoXo Rawr.