Video Games

Never in a million years would I think I would need a “Tetris” battle royale game in my life. Alas, here we are, “Tetris 99” is a real thing conjured up from the folks at Nintendo. The game is practically a meme, but it’s awesome!

Over the Shoulder With a Twist

To me, “Tetris” has never felt like a very competitive experience. “Tetris 99” will turn the most casual Tetrition into a frothing maniac from the thrill of the contest. So how does the game do it? The music and oddly complex battle system.

After clearing more than 2 or more lines, these junk blocks are sent to opposing players’ boards. Most of the time the junk blocks are hitting my board though. Not fun. All the while, intense music blasts in my ears.

Game’s Hard

What I didn’t know stepping into the “Tetris” arena with 98 other jabronies is this: they are low-key pros. Did I not play enough “Tetris” on my TI-83 in bio class or something? I’m scrubbing the goddamn decks in these matches. Being kicked around like a littered Coke can. Pressure cooker bombed into oblivion. Have I made myself clear? I’ve become obsessed with the challenge of getting a win–but it feels like a pipe dream.

Despite “Tetris 99’s” crippling difficulty, playing it is a blast. The fuckin’ thing is free too. So gobble it up.

Almost out of the blue, Respawn Entertainment’s free-to-play battle royale “Apex Legends” has running-punched the video game community in the face with its greatness. It really has no right to be as glorious as it darn well is.

“Apex Legends” is currently running away with the BR championship belt because its innovations are out of this world. Lemme rattle the most-notable features below:

1. Ping System – From directions to item pickups, relaying information to even the most pleb of teammates is at a simple press of R1 (if you’re playing on PS). It’s quick and beautiful.
2. Looting – Swapping valuable attachments form one gun to another doesn’t take a year and a day looking at you “Blackout” and “PUBG.” Okay, looting feels so good in this game it feels brand new.
3. “Counter Strike” Nod – If you run with your weapon holstered in “Apex,” you run faster. Wraith even runs with a knife out.
4. Hot Zones – Hot Zones are random spots on the map highlighted in a blue circle where high-tier loot will spawn. Prepare for lots of folks to drop at that location.
5. Resurrection – Respawn beacons placed around the map serve as a way for living squad mates to bring back their dead into the fight! Not as EZ as it sounds.
6. Heros With Ults – A grime game can be turned around with a perfectly timed ultimate. Raining missiles on the enemy or creating a portal to safety or both is how games are won.

“Apex Legends” has captured the world’s attention. Goodbye, “Bros Intro to Video Games” aka “Fortnite.” If Respawn supports their game like Epic does theirs, “Apex” could steal the show for good. So go forth, plebs, enjoy!

And, of course, Shroud absolutely destroys this game, as you can clearly see here:

Duncan Vizla, aka The Black Kaiser played by Mads Mikkelsen owns. He’s a smoking, drinking, sexing, killing machine–and for this aging hitman retirement is around the corner…

“Polar” does what “The Losers” from 2010 tried and failed to do. Making hitman branding cool. Meaning each hitman has their own(albeit silly) name and signature style. For example, Sindy played by Ruby O. Fee uses her sex appeal often as a way to lure her victims into vulnerable situations. Johnny Knoxville’s character gets absolutely smoked because of her seduction. Each hitman and hitgal has their own stylish intro unique to their character.

Vanessa Hudgens stars alongside Mads as the jumpy next-door neighbor. This surprised me. The actress strikes me as more of a rom-com type, but she killed it in this role. So, Vanessa has earned mad points in my book for being in such a bizarre flick.

“Polar” is a weird movie. For one thing, there’s an emphasis on strange audio like the sounds of applying hand moisturizer, eating pie, and even colonoscopy-ing. It’s just a way for director Jonas Åkerlund to make the viewers’ senses extra heightened in the wild, unpredictable world. Bright suits worn by the main antagonist gave me “Dick Tracy” vibes. Another odd AF movie based off a comic. It’s no wonder “Polar” may have borrowed some elements from it.

The Netflix movie isn’t trying to make any big political or social statements. Action and sex make up a majority its content. Without being hung up on big themes, “Polar” is able to purely focus on its wholesome depravity. In a world where everything is trying to make a point, it’s refreshing! Go watch.

I saw these hella dope video edits and thought, “these should be shared.”

“Escape from Tarkov” is an ultra-tactical PC shooter I’ve never actually played. It’s one of those games that I can appreciate as I watch a stream of it. From the creative looting to the realistic gunfights, the game has undeniable swag. Which is why I think dope tracks work so well in these sick edits from South Korean YT content creator, AliasMuse.

Take a peeky here:

Bonus video that is also really sick:

Lend an ear, weebs. Don’t panic but it sounds like Nintendo is passing the wobbly ass development baton off to the developers of the original “Metroid Prime” series, Retro Studios. At this point, it sounds like the highly anticipated title will be reworked from the ground up.

Give it up to Nintendo for being so up front about the whole thing. They knew the game wasn’t coming together so they asked for help. Respectable decision that could really pay off in the end. Heck, Retro Studios did a great job with the original “Prime” trilogy, why not let them take the reins.

Anyway, take a look at the full update on the game below:

Like a true Grimer, I have the sweatiest hands in the world. They are like large–not mini–waterfalls on my hands at all times. Now, imagine these frothing mitts holding the DualShock 4 controller amid a grueling match of “CoD: Blackout” with 2 teams remaining. Fuggin’ sickening to dwell on, apologies. However, the solution are these pretty sweet, unofficial gamer gloves originally used for helping with arthritis aches and pains. Repurposed and ready for a game sesh.

Of course, you could be the individual who buys the official gamer gloves. But you probably don’t want to be there in life. Consider that a rough patch.

The gloves I’m rocking feel great all around. After an intense game of “Overwatch,” my hands aren’t aching like they normally would sans gloves. The snug fit creates a comforting feeling across the board. This helps with the sweat too. The palms of the gloves are lined with a fine strip of rubber to reduce any sort of controller slippage. Not only do the fingerless to add a dash of Swag O’Hoolihan to the mix but creates an additional, much-needed connection between the player and the controller.

Anything to keep my digits happy while gaming is a positive thing. I’ll try and keep everyone updated on this glovey path of mine. You can call me Matty Glover. Thanks!

What is there really to watch at this point on Twitch? Shroud smugly playing “Escape from Tarkov”? Summit1g playing “Sea of Thieves” for some reason? Ninja inexplicably playing some janky “Final Fantasy” instead of “Fortnite”? It’s all weird from some of your favorite streamers on Twitch right now.

Most big streamers are breaking away from the norm of playing the big games. Some streamers are creating consistent supergroups like Ninja, DrLupo, TimTheTatman and CouRageJD. The bigger issue here is the gameplay by far though. Streamers can’t seem to lock into a game. When Dr DisRespect decides he wants to “take over ‘Fortnite'” even in a satirical way, it raises an alarm. See below.

I’m going to take over Fortnite. Editing, resetting edit, shooting rockets, healing, 90’s…… all while flying a plane to 3rd party your ass.

I call it…..Footnite. pic.twitter.com/5aMxdx5Nv8

— Dr Disrespect (@drdisrespect) January 10, 2019

Will the Amazon-owned steaming platform go back to the days of fun rounds of “PUBG”? Doubtful. “Fortnite” is just too popular. The Epic Games’ title generates easy money and viewers for streamers. What a confusing time for video game ambassadors like myself and you.

So, how do we ride out this weird Twitch phase? Well, viewers should make an effort to watch streamers without the same reputation and popularity as, let’s say, Dr DisRespect, Shroud, LIRIK or Summit1g. Find streamers without viewership/subscriber motives who just want to play good games. Cool, I’ll be over here watching Ninja and drinking G Fuel. TTYL.

From my POV,  impossible doesn’t quite describe “Dark Souls: Remastered” well enough. The game is insane. Just when you think you’re figuring it out, a single enemy, likely some ghoul bastard, will batter you to death. Sending you back to the goddamn, same check point over-and-over again. Frustrating. Amid my struggles is when it hit me, I’m a one-dimensional gamer–and a weeb.

“Dark Souls” tests my patience like no other. It’s slow, methodical and unforgiving. Chances are, I’m not cut out for the journey. My need for gratification is too great.  FromSoftware’s title isn’t a “CoD” or “God of War,” where pay-offs are plentiful. Repeating the same daunting route, only to get rekked by the relentless boss could be the best feeling in the world. I wouldn’t know.

I’ve given the game–and games like it–multiple chances. Sadly, I’m still garbage. I consider myself to be a competent gamer/weeb who should be able to take on the challenge. Alas, “Dark Souls” metaphorically spits in my face at every opportunity. Making the experience unpleasant to say the least.

When it comes to gaming, closed doors shouldn’t be a thing. So, if I’m a 1-D kinda gamer, like I think I might be, I’m slamming a door in my own face. Depressing.

Whatever the case may be, playing games is the most important thing. Doesn’t matter the game. Single player games especially hold an extra special place in my heart.

Just know, I’ll be swimming upstream regardless. The boundaries must be pushed. I am garbageman Randy Savage at “Dark Souls,” but I’ll still play to prove a point. The game can’t best my spirit(I hope). One dimensional or not, yeah, I’m packing for the long haul. 

The”Red Dead Online” beta has been out for a couple weeks now–and the highly anticipated multiplayer mode has shit the bed.

Quickly after logging into”RDO,” players will notice an economy system that misses the goddamn mark. From horse food to new guns, everything is outrageously expensive compared to the single player mode. It’s clear Rockstar’s is after players’ wallets.

In a world where microtransactions are compared to the devil, it’s ballsy of Rockstar to just go ahead an implement them so aggressively into “RDO.” The whole thing feels forced and it’s annoying as hell for people who don’t want to shell out more for a game beyond the usual $60 price point.

So, Rockstar issues the statement below. If you ask me, it seems like they knew from the beginning the in-game economy was skewed toward pay-to-win. Rockstar and plenty of other devs are guilty of testing what they can initially get away with as far as gouging the players. It’s tiresome and will likely be the standard for video games moving forward. Literally, can’t wait Kappa.

View this post on Instagram

Red Dead Online Beta Status update:

A post shared by Rockstar Games (@rockstargames) on Dec 3, 2018 at 1:48pm PST

If you’re reading this, you probably play games and guess what? You may need to brush up on what’s expectable in the gaming community.  Think of this like cotillion for weebs and the like. Will you have this dance?

Party Chat

There is always that friend or rando in the party chat causing an absolute fuckin’ ruckus over the mic. Hey, um, keep it down. Turn down the sensitivity of the damn mic. It’s up to other members of the party to tell the loud one that his mic is too loud, as well. This is a two way street! Don’t eat chips on the mic, either. The crunching makes other members in the party jealous and hungry. It’s loud AF too. So don’t do it. On the flip side, stay hydrated and fed, don’t get gamer rage. Just double check that you’re muted when munching!

The party chat airwaves have no room for crying babies and angry SOs. Be respectful of your chat’s eardrums.

Playing on a Friend’s System

Like I’ve mentioned in the past, I have the world’s sweatiest hands–period. A terrible offense in the gaming world–especially if I’m playing on someone else’s controller! I don’t need to get into details about why that should be avoided. Talkin’ real grime. As you play your friend’s system do not adjust his settings whether it’s in-game options or controller layout. Leave it be. If you must change something in the options menu, always change it back. Remember not to be that rook who is inconsiderate.

Hostage Party

As the party leader, it’s your responsibility ensure your teammates are never stuck in load-out limbo between games. If you need to take a break and you hold rank as party leader, pass the title to a different teammate, so the show can go on. It’s freakin’ frustrating when the leader abandons the crew! So don’t do it, pleb.

This can serve as a reasonable starting point for video game behavior. Grab a coke, kick back and get your big etiquette revved up.