Last Nights Grime

Aside from playing video games and watchin’ anime, I love to read. Sci-fi preferably. Games Workshop’s Warhammer 40K novels published by Black Library are some of my faves. These are brutal, complex and thought provoking titles, I think, are made for kooks over 18. And yes, these reads are weeby. Recently, the hobby games company announced it is gearing up to introduce smol freaks to 40K with a new line of young adult fiction.

I’m a huge fan of 40K’s incredibly detailed lore. The world is grimdark. That’s the beauty of 40K. So, when I hear Black Library is going to pump out YA novels starring 12-year-old protagonists, I get a little tripped out. How will grotesque, warp creatures be handled? When a space marine gets shot in the face, will brain matter splatter? Will the horrors of war creep off the pages? Maybe, they  will be set in an alternate universe where things are just a little less brain matter-y. But stepping away from grimdark results in less beauty…

In the end, I appreciate the decision by Games Workshop to go this route for the youngsters. It shows that the company hasn’t given up on reading like many have. We need weebs to read. Read Warhammer, read manga, read whatever, just as long as you have real or digital pages in front of your eyes. Your brain will be haute couture in no time.

If Epic Games had their way, “Fortnite” would release on every platform including your mom’s Motorola V400p. They are shilling this game outrageously hard. Seriously, these game came to mobile iOS and soon Android. So, It only makes sense they are eyeballing the most talked about current-gen system on the market, the Nintendo Switch.

I would, without question, purchase “Fortnite” on the stationary-portable system. It would make a great addition to my already pretty large library. Additionally, the whack cartoon art style of the game fits perfectly with the family friendly Switch. If Reggie (Nintendo head)  knew I wanted this port, he would be in the office calling Tim Sweeney (Epic Games head) making that deal. They better hurry up!  Hook in the weebs is a solid business model.

–5 Minutes Later—

Well, I’m an idiot, according to this website who’s jacking info from Forbes, rumor has it that Nintendo will announce the “Fortnite” port at their E3 presentation. Sure, I’m like 2 days late relaying the news, forgive me please. I’m still ready to play Looney Tunes portably with the Switch. Screw the iOS and Android gimmicks, that’s whack. Hit me with that proper adaptation. Tanks XoXo Rawr.

Here is Milla Jovovich’s agent: “Okay, Milla, looks like we ran the ‘Resident Evil’ franchise into the ground, no gas left in the tank! We gotta get you a part–a part in another video game-to-movie adaptation…” Then came the “Monster Hunter” movie starring Milla and co.

Constantin Film’s  has around $60M at their disposal meaning they are at least going to make the live-action “MH” flick look pretty. In a strange twist of fate, the same production company made all of the “Resident Evils.” The “RE” movies have been a guilty pleasure of mine, no matter how much they deviated from the video game’s story line. So, you could definitely say I’m curious about this new project.

The director, Paul W. S. Anderson, has talked about the concept of the flick. He’s going for that parallel universe feel, where the main character slaves over a dead-end job to then rise to the occasion when the said parallel universe invades the real world. Oh, and Anderson says he wants to turn this into another franchise. You got all that plebs?

Anyway, Milla is the face of another video game movie… It’s wild. I wonder if she’s like a weeb or something. The actress likely has no idea wtf kinda journey she’s embarking on. Fingers crossed the project is extra weird, featuring chef/warrior cats, odd eating segments and other “Monster Hunter” quirks.

If you’ve played a battle royale game say “Fortnite” or “PUBG,” you’ve dealt with a fill. The lone player who desperately wants to enjoy the luxury of a squad. But there’s a problem. The fill is a goddamn mad man.

Mr. Fill follows a strict set of rules that go as follows:

1. Never stick with squadmates no matter what.
2. Grab as much loot as possible without ever distributing to the squad.
3. Ignore the way points placed on map by squad.
4. Freedom from the squad is a God given right and therefor will be taken advantage of.
5. Dying first is a must.
6. If the squad is down or in trouble, under no circumstances should you help/intervene.
7. Relax hard.

I want to thank fill for always throwing myself and the rest of the squad a curve ball. Don’t stop doing what you’re doing! We definitely aren’t counting on you.

“Fortnite” season 4 is here. Epic Games’ fort building sim(gimmick) aka Looney Tunes aka Chuck E. Cheese’s aka Weeb’s Paradise aka Bro’s Introductory Course to Video Games ushers in a superhero component(gimmick).

How it all fits into the meta: purple, glowing crystals scattered around the new meteor crash sites grant the player temporary abilities like running a smidgen faster and jumping a lil’ higher. The feel of it is most definitely that of Xbox 360 classic, “Crackdown.”  Tbh, I’m just so sick of superhero shit. People are like obsessed with justice or something. The alien concept captured my interest waaayyy more. Now, we are just stuck with this lame gimmick. This game offers the build gimmick first, then hits us with this lackluster superhero business. Pleeeaaase… On top of all this, Epic teased out this updated for way too long. The hype was disgusting!

Omg, side note, have you guys seen this popular Twitch streamer NICKMERCS who’s making a big name for himself play Looney on PS4? He is, no kidding, the exact bro I would think would be playing this game. BROS LOVE “FORTNITE”! The correlation between bros and their love from Chuck E. Cheese’s is an incredible phenomenon likely to never be fully understood  by rational weebs.

So, have fun getting your justice fix for the duration of season 4! Watch the announcement trailer here:

Sony’s reboot of the beloved franchise is the epitome of hype right now. “God of War” has outlets like IGN and Game Informer reaching for tissues. My curiosity about the game is at an all time high and I will pick it up soon digitally. But first, let me review the “GoW” before I’ve even played a minute of it.

What I Know

Kratos has traded in his Blades of Chaos for your average wood-chopping axe. He has a son now too (an homage to “The Last of Us”???). Besides the head ripping and creature tearing, “GoW” probably throws in a coming-of-age theme. Krat-dawg has a new look. His sinewy, teenage physic from the first triligy is replaced with a beefy, dad bod. He is a dad or something now after all.

Godly serpent boi pops out of the sea for a chat with the two protagonists at some point.

I’ve heard some rumblings about “God of War” from my friends at work too. Both seem to think the game has been a little over hyped by the hype beast itself (the Illuminati???). They say the new “GoW” isn’t that groundbreaking either like many are claiming.

But but but–serpent boi…

I give it a 10/10. Where’s the tissues?

Watch the pretty hype beast trailer here:

You’ve heard Ninja say it a thousand times, “do you have a Twitch Prime sub available”? Well Ninja, I do and I also want that “Fortnite” loot that comes with it, goddamn it. But I feel like there’s a catch to all this.

The Theory

Okay, you’ve subscribed to your favorite streamer using your mommy’s Amazon Prime account linked to your Twitch account because you’re a basement weeb like me. Time to claim that “Fortnite” Twitch Prime pack. Oh wait, before you can get the prize, you have to create an Epic account. Click clack paddy whack, you’ve now created an account with Epic. They have your email address, linked to you or your mom’s Amazon Prime accounts.

Do you think Amazon isn’t sharing data to Epic Games? They are in cahoots man! Nothing comes close to the popularity of “Fortnite.” Think about how many new Twitch Prime members there are now since their game launched. Wish I had some numbers to back that statement up–but if you’re a human being an just think about it for a fraction of a second and it should make sense. As a thank you, Amazon hands over valuable info to Epic Games. Here is a fun tidbit straight out of Epic’s Privacy Policy: “In some cases, other parties provide us with information about you.” Hmm, lemme guess that fiesta could be Amazon.

This also goes for all the redeemable loot using Twitch Prime. You HAVE to create an account on the developer’s page in order to claim the loot.

I know this doesn’t raise red flags for a ton of people but privacy is a commodity these days. Think of this as a pleb PSA.

I will leave you with this awkward AF video of Ninja justifying his sub count to Shroud:

Look at Instagram, see random NCAA basketball player do dance from “Fortnite.” Scroll down, NBA star Gordon Hayward is streaming “Fortnite” on Twitch. Continue scrolling, Drake in duos match with Ninja. Thinking to myself: holy shit, “Fortnite” has introduced so many bros to video games.

I’m not bitter. It’s time for games to have their time in the sun, even if it means an influx of trendsetters and hella dope guys. Cool folks can help push video game culture to a level never achieved. Definitely can’t get there on the backs’ of weebs.

Many great great great games came before “Fortnite.” That’s really what erks me savvy. But somehow, Epic’s goofy, “Looney Tunes”-like title seems to really hit home with bros looking to have a good time on the sticks. It will be fun to see where this wave of new players will end up going. Will they delve deeper into more hardcore titles, stick with “Fortnite” or simply stop playing once the trend dies down?

We’ll have to just give it some time. It would be great if everyone directed their love toward some JRPGS. POGGERS!

Watch French footballer Antoine Griezmann give ’em a “take the L” dance:

#Fortnite "Take the L" celebration by @AntoGriezmann pic.twitter.com/ybpSDZk7Ry

— DEXERTO – Trending Esports, Gaming & Social Media (@Dexerto) April 8, 2018